Can you hear me now?

I think it's finally time for me to wade into the roiling sea of the ongoing cellphone discord. There seems to be a legislative wave sweeping across the country intent on limiting cellphone use while driving and in public places.

So many of the inventions of the past thousand years or so have proven to be both boon and bane to society that pundits are almost always evenly split on their yea or nay with regards to... oh, excuse me...

Hello? Oh, hi, sugar. Uh huh, no, you know I hate going there; the lines are always so long. Can't you... huh? Okay, okay. What? A half pound of Spiced Ham, a pound of Peppered Ham, a pound of Provolone. WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, IDIOT!! Guy driving like he's nuts. Sure, I got it. What if they don't have the Peppered Ham? No, I'm just saying... but they might not... okay, okay. Right, see ya.

Where was I? Oh. When we look back in things like gunpowder, firearms, automobiles, even electricity, we see that, while these things may have caused the loss of a few lives, they also have saved many lives. Cellphone opponents like to point to accidents that occur while drivers are on the phone. Well I say, cellphones don't kill people, drivers kill people. I once saw a lady putting on lipstick, looking in her rear-view mirror, while driving. What, are we going to ban lipstick?

Sometimes we just need to take a step back and consider the balance... oops, hold on a minute...

Hey Jeff, how're you doing buddy? Nah, nothing important. HEY, YOU JERK. I GOT THE RIGHT-OF-WAY HERE. Man, some people. Hahaha, right. Oh man, did you catch the game last night? Can you believe they blew a ten point lead? Oh, you were over Ralph's, huh? He's got that new big screen TV, right? No kidding. That sounds nice. Yeah, cool, I'll catch you later.

So I was saying, I mean, I agree that some people can't drive and talk on the phone at the same time, but, come on; some people can't drive and breathe at the same time. You know what I mean? Why penalize those of us good drivers because of a small number of folks?

The same thing with people who talk loud on their cells in restaurants and other public places. The law ought to be for them. If I'm over in a booth, talking quietly, not disturbing anybody, why should I be banned?

See that's my problem with most laws; everybody has to suffer because of a handfull of bad apples. Oh, well, what can you do, huh? Go with the flow. That's it for me.

Hello? Hey sugar. Uhhh, they didn't have any Peppered Ham...